i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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