she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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