He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
