Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
