My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He called his prostate his "boner button".
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I didn't notice because vodka
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
