I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
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