She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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