I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
