That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
