It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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