really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
