you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
