She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
