You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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