Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
