"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize