i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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