I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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