Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
