You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
