Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
