she was so not down for the gang bang
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
