I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
