Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
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