I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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