How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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