he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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