Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
