Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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