I'm so fucking centered right now
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
