And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
