Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the day after is always just damage control
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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