there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
