So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
