fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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