does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
