escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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