??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
