my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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