I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
