i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
