sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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