I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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