I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
