so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
