and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
