I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
