When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
