If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
