i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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