either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
