What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
