you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
