i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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