I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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