Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
