Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
