If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
