I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
