Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
