this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
