I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
