we're blogging at a bar
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
