I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
