I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
