turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
