First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
