My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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