From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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