It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
