He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
