I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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