Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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