Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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