You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
then he tried to convert me to islam
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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