WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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