I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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