I hate all girls vehemently.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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