I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
